I just happened to see, hidden in our bedroom closet, some U.S. map sticker album that Mindy bought Dylan for his upcoming birthday. (He’s a bit of a nerd, and likes maps and stuff.) Great gift idea, Mindy. But the cover! The cover of the sticker album! I was offended as a Seattleite. Check this out:

Okay, so let’s see here. Statue of Liberty clip art on New York City, check. Big wonking arch on St. Louis, check. And over in Seattle…sweet jumping Mary and Joseph! What’s going on with Seattle?

Dear discount-priced children’s sticker map: I’ve seen the Space Needle. I’ve been dragged by innumerable children and out-of-town visitors to the top of the Space Needle. I feel I know the Space Needle. And you, odd gray Cylon-looking phallus, are no Space Needle. You’re not even close.

It’s like someone heard that Seattle had a big, retro-futuristic tower, and just told the design team, “Here, take a look at these photos of the Toronto and Las Vegas skylines. Give me something like that.” Or maybe just, “I need something space-y and needle-y, and I need it by five!!!”

And Mindy bought this at Costco! Seattle-based Costco! I urge a national boycott of this lazy, Seattle-ignorant sticker album. Tell them with your wallets, America! The Space Needle isn’t purple!

Edited to add: Whoa, I just looked inside. That was a mistake. Here’s one of the stickers from the Indiana section. For Notre Dame, you know, the university in South Bend?

Notre-Dame de Paris! I kid you not. Go Fighting Irish.