Most parents spend Christmas Eve assembling toys; I spent my Christmas Eve disassembling them. Dylan is a fan of vintage Lego sets, so I’d bought him some off of eBay. But they were pre-built! You don’t want to open Legos without the fun of building them yourself, so I painstakingly took them apart and put the pieces in bags and boxes, and printed out the assembly manuals from the Internet.
Inspired by Kurt Vonnegut, maybe, I daydreamed of a wonderful world where, every winter, I could take my kids’ toys apart, put them in boxes, wrap them, and set them under a tree. On Christmas Eve, a jolly, mythical figure would collect them, put them in his sack, and fly off. He could return them to the North Pole, or Toys ‘R’ Us, or China, or wherever he got them.
This Bizarro Christmas would clear our house out every December. Instead we’re buried under plastic junk, just like every year. The kids seem happy, though.