I just drove over to my grandpa’s house to clean out his gutters. No 82-year-old men will be falling off roofs on my watch! Well, none that are related to me anyway.
Here are a few random signs I enjoyed on the way:
On an Evangelical church near my home: HARVEST FESTIVAL TRUNK OR TREAT OCTOBER 31. “Trunk or treat” I can understand. Some Mormon congregations do this too. It’s a way to suck all the fun out of trick-or-treating by handing out candy in a church parking lot from a row of car trunks. But “Harvest festival”? Uh, for the last time, people: Halloween is the eve of All Saints’ Day, part of the Christian liturgical calendar! “Harvest Festival” would be the pagan holiday! Not the other way around! This would be like a church replacing “Christmas Eve” with “Yule Festival” because some overzealous Sunday regular is anti-Santa. Okay, pastor, I get that you have some nuts in your congregation telling you that Halloween is all about the worship of Satan and his bastard stepchild Harry Potter. I don’t care. It’s time to man up to the weirdos.
On a dry cleaners down the street: 1 HOUR CLEANING. SAME DAY DRESS SHIRTS! Well, if this is one-hour cleaning, I would hope that dress shirts are same-day. Unless I bring them in after 11:01 p.m. that is.
At a nursery/home & garden store: COME SEE OUR CHRISTMAS WONDERLAND. Already? In mid-October? Whatever happened to Harvest Festival?!?