I know a lot of people are taking the contestant test for Jeopardy! online tonight. I know this because many of these eager young hopefuls have contacted me asking for tips.
Normally I wouldn’t be much help, but today, you’re in luck. I can’t really disclose how I obtained this, but I have a complete answer list for tonight’s test. Yup, all 40 answers. Well, questions. You know what I mean.
So throw away those flash cards on U.S. vice presidents and African capitals. Study these answers and I can guarantee you a score of 100%. (You might want to get a few strategically chosen answers wrong, just to divert suspicion.)
- What is Portugal?
- What are bald eagles?
- Who is Hester Prynne?
- What is the Kansas-Nebraska Act?
- Who is Puccini?
- What is On Golden Pond?
- Who is Alfred the Great?
- What is the Flatiron Building?
- What is superconductivity?
- What is “AIDS, crack, Bernie Goetz”?
- What are quarks?
- What are sporks?
- What are “death panels”?
- What are eyebrows?
- No, I mean it, man. Like, what are eyebrows? Isn’t it totally weird that we have them?
- What is the Yangtze River?
- What is McRib?
- What is hand-to-hand wombat?
- What is a slow, sensual massage, Alex…no, not there, lower? Ahhh, that’s it.
- Who is St. Thomas Aquinas?
- Who is YOUR MOM?!? high-five bro don’t leave me hanging
- (hold envelope to forehead) What is “sis-boom-bah”?
- What is the Nineteenth Amendment?
- What is with Kevin Bacon’s weird pig nose?
- Who is Sacajawea?
- Who is killing the great chefs of Europe?
- Whoooo are you? Ooooh-ooh, ooooh-ooh?
- What is soda? (Do not accept “What is pop?”)
- What is The Fifth Element? It’s “love,” right? I bet it’s love.
- Who is Terence Trent D’ilfer?
- Who is Confused Passerby #3?
- What is it like doing sex with a lady in a bathtub or shower?
- What is that thing on a turkey’s neck?
- What is C):-) (or “happy cowboy emoticon” or “HCE”)?
- Who is Kony again?
- What is a farmers’ market saxophone solo?
- Who is “Marky Mark” Chagall?
- What is 선풍기로 인한 사망?
- What is I wish we all lived in the apartment building from Ghostbusters?
- What is that, a conquistador helmet?
Easy as pie, right? See you on the show! Tell ‘em Ken sent ya.