100 Places to Go After You Die

Ancient Egypt

"Let there be prepared for me a seat in the boat of the Sun on the day whereon the god saileth." —The Book of the Dead

DUAT

Ancient Egypt

Thanks to the artifacts left behind from their elaborate rituals, we know more about how the ancient Egyptians died than how they lived. Five thousand years ago, embalmers would spend months preparing each corpse for its journey to the next world. Their preparations ranged from the brutal (like jabbing a metal hook up the deceased's nostrils to puree and then drain their brain) to the sublime (post-mortem manicures and nose jobs). All bodily organs except the heart were removed and placed in ceremonial jars.

Mummification was a big deal in Egypt because it was believed that death split the soul up into five components, like Voltron. There was your ka (life force), ba (personality), ib (heart), ren (name), and sheut (shadow). The tomb represented a nexus between this world and the next, and the ka and ba would be left homeless if there were no body there to return to. Only a good, decent person could pass the final trial of their heart and have their ka and ba reunited as an immortal spirit called the akh.

Duat, the underworld, was full of obstacles, which could only be navigated successfully with the protective spells found in the Egyptians' famous Book of the Dead. Those obstacles comprise a full Indiana Jones temple of doom: there's a lake of fire, crocodiles, bugs, decay, torture chambers, and even booby traps like decapitation blades and a giant net strung between heaven and earth. The spells were like video game cheat codes, instructing the dead on what to do when faced with the dangers of Duat. The very last spell even protects travelers from a seemingly unlikely misfortune in the world to come: having to eat and drink their own poop and pee.

For the adventurous traveler, the iron walls and turquoise trees of Duat make for an afterlife unlike any other. Just don't forget to study your scroll of magic spells.

TOP ATTRACTIONS

THE MYSTERIOUS PORTALS OF THE HOUSE OF OSIRIS—A ring of twenty-one gates surrounds Osiris, the god of the underworld, along with a series of mounds and caverns. Each portal, mound, or cave is guarded by an animal-headed god squatting before you holding enormous knives. You'll only be allowed to pass if you can name the god and his gate. Try not to worry that most of the guardians have ominous names like "He who lives on snakes," "He who dances in blood," and "He who hacks up the dead."

THE HALL OF THE TWO TRUTHS—A can't miss. Get an early start, because you'll want to arrive washed, anointed in myrrh, and wearing fresh clothes and white sandals. Final judgment in Duat takes place in this long, columned chamber, where Osiris and the other Egyptian gods sit enthroned under a canopy. Make sure you've studied up on the cryptic answers to their questions. For example, if they ask "Where have you passed?" they're not just making small talk. You need to have a very specific answer ready: "I have gone past the place to the north of the thicket." The baboon-headed figure you see will be Thoth, the god of science and magic. He'll watch carefully as Anubis, the jackal-headed judge of the dead, weighs your heart against an ostrich feather, a symbol of order and morality. (The Egyptians believed the heart was the seat of consciousness and memory, while the brain was only good for secreting mucus.) If the scales balance exactly, you'll walk through the gate flanked by two giant statues of Ma'at, the goddess of balance, and Osiris will welcome you into the afterlife.

THE SUN BARQUE OR RA—Every day, the god Ra travels across the sky in his gleaming solar boat. But at night, when the sun sinks beneath the horizon, he enters the underworld and spends the night in endless battle with the serpent Apep. As a denizen of Duat, you'll get the chance to hop aboard and help Ra navigate one of his nightly duels!

DAY TRIPS

COMING FORTH BY DAY—Even after death, your ba, or personality, is allowed to leave the rest of the soul and wander back on earth. Different spells will allow it to take different forms: a falcon, a snake, a lotus-flower, or even a god. Splurge on a sarcophagus shaped like a house or palace, so your ba has someplace to stay. A ceremonial "false door" on your coffin will let your ba get out and stretch its legs. (Unless it's a snake at the time.)

WHERE TO STAY

THE FIELD OF REEDS—If your heart gets the okay from Anubis, you move on to Aaru, located in the east where the sun sets. Aaru is a Nile-like delta of waterways that flow past abundant crops. The barley grows five cubits high here, and hunting and fishing are plentiful. The Field of Reeds has all the comforts of home: good food, good harvests, good sex. Live here with the gods in happiness and peace.

THE DEVOURER OF THE WEST—If, on the other hand, you are judged unworthy of Aaru, your soul will be delivered to Ammit the Devourer, a fearsome creature with the head of a crocodile, the body and claws of a lion, and the hindparts of a hippopotamus. Ammit feeds on souls, and those whom it slaughters die a (permanent) second death. Not recommended.

GETTING AROUND

Navigators through Duat should make sure they know the names of the four rudders of heaven: there's Good Power in the northern sky, Wanderer in the west, Shining One in the east, and Preeminent in the west. And catching a ferryboat here isn't as simple as buying a ticket. You'll have to know the names of the oars ("the fingers of Horus"), the hull beam ("she who presides over gardens"), the wind, the riverbank, and so on. Then they'll know you're a powerful magician and take you where you want to go.

EATING & DRINKING

THE CELESTIAL HERD—If you know the names of the seven cows of the celestial bull, they'll provide daily portions of bread and beer.

THE SYCAMORE FIG—The sky-goddess Nut dwells in a sycamore fig tree, which was often depicted in Egyptian tombs as a source of food and drink for the wandering spirit.

THE HERON OF PLENTY—Perched on his pyramid, this god guards heaps of grain that feed the spirits in Aaru.

IN-ROOM DINING—You may want to do as the pharaohs did, and arrange to be buried with an afterlifetime supply of mummified eats. King Tut, for example, packed along forty boxes of jerky, which archaeologists say still looks edible today.

WHAT TO PACK

Good news: you can take it with you. Egyptian VIPs were buried with all kinds of crazy stuff, from chariots to toilets to mummified pets. Little figurines called shabti can serve as your laborers in Aaru if you feel like kicking back. In fact, the lazier Egyptians even packed along 365 of them, so they'd never have to work a single day of the year. Some kings didn't mess around with shabti—they just ordered their household servants killed and buried with them! It's so hard to find good help these days.

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